love notes

Welcome to Release & Renewal: Twenty-Three Day Challenge & Community Fast. I'm so grateful that you are here. After the last 3 years we’ve experienced – the trauma, the isolation, the loss – we need this.

Our healing is not linear. An often cyclical journey moving us between trauma, progress, triggers, regression and back around again. Certain seasons will bring ease and flow, while others will bring resistance and challenge. And often, it will take for us to break-down before we can break-through.

All of these experiences are valid, and all are okay.

When we’re behind the wheel, a yield sign tells us to stay out of the way to make room for someone else. And just as when we’re on the road, there are situations in our lives where we find ourselves in the way of our own potential, progress, and purpose. Standing in our own way, otherwise known as self-defeating behavior, is when our behaviors and actions interfere with our intentions and goals – whether consciously or subconsciously.

The root word for xenodochy is the same as that of xenophobia, the Greek “xeno” means stranger. In the case of xenophobia, it’s a fear of those who are unlike us. It’s a word we hear in news stories of conflict at borders, racialized violence, and discrimination against migrants and refugees. Xenodochy, a much less frequently used word, is quite the opposite – it describes the warm and generous reception of strangers and foreigners.

Birthdays, gray hairs and smile lines are often regarded as indicators that one has gained wisdom, that she or he has lived long enough to not just know more, but to know better. Successes and failures, bumps and bruises, all build up our storehouse of wisdom. Still, those very same life experiences can also produce qualities in us that contaminate our thinking – like resentment, defensiveness, and mistrust.

A vulnerability, by definition, is a weakness. It means exposing ourselves to the possibility of harm or rejection. However, in practice, being vulnerable requires our strength, emotional maturity, and self-awareness. Most of us have learned to associate vulnerability with feelings of shame (read: fear).

Understanding is at the core of our healing. Having a better understanding of ourselves – our feelings, our personality, and our triggers – allows us to change unhealthy behaviors. It also increases our capacity for self-compassion, moving us to extend loving grace toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.

There is power in sharing our testimony. The power to encourage others, the power to glorify God, and beyond that, the power to heal ourselves. Sharing our testimony frees us, it helps us to make the shift in mindset from denial to acceptance, victim to overcomer, and from siloed to supported.

Surrender is hard. It feels like giving up, like losing. In fact, it can be one of the most challenging aspects of practicing our faith, especially when it comes to our hearts’ deepest desires. Still, trusting that our Creator will work things together for our good is a vital truth. It's a truth that will carry us through loss, grief, disappointment and even devastation.

Repentance is far from a buzzword in the self-care and healing space. It’s not sexy or trending or click-worthy. To the contrary, it makes people uncomfortable. It conjures up thoughts of doomsdayers with handwritten signs shouting from the sidewalks that the ‘end is near’. Yet repentance is one of the most sincere and connecting acts that we can practice, and should be in our self-love repertoire.

Quiet time restores our overtaxed nervous systems, it conserves and sustains our energy, and conditions our brains to adapt to the complex environments and situations that we navigate each day. Quiet time allows for creative thinking and daydreaming – activating parts of the brain that we use less and less as we grow older. Quiet time sets the stage for mindfulness, allowing us to better recognize and appreciate the present. Quiet time makes way for self reflection, self connection, and our daily practice of self love.

Love is patient. We’re reminded of this as we cross the threshold into marriage. We commit ourselves to showing up as conscious and gentle parents for our children. And we patiently extend grace to friends traversing through life’s challenges. We are patient with those on our jobs, and in our care, and across our communities – understanding that patience is a key tenant of showing the love of God to others.

Obedience is a propeller for growth and a prerequisite for our purpose-led pursuits. Submission and surrender to God’s design for our lives are critical to our successes. Yet, despite our desire to lead lives of purpose and contentment, many of us cannot confidently say that we operate in obedience to God.

Things grow when we nurture them. Relationships are no different, they flourish and are fruitful when tended to and nourished. Our most important relationship, that with our Creator, gives us insight into how to nurture our relationships with ourselves and with others. The same key tenets can be applied; and as with many aspects of the healing journey, nurturing begins with love.

Our actions begin, first, in our minds as thoughts. Those thoughts become words, those words become actions, and ultimately change things in our lives. By thinking of, meditating on, and believing in our Godly desires, we enable ourselves to see those desires come to pass by first believing in them. Shifting our mindset is an exercise in hopefulness.

Genuine love requires our whole selves. It calls for a synchronicity between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is more than its definition of an intense feeling, and more than its description as a verb or action. Love, while romanticized as a privilege reserved for those who earn or deserve it, is a free gift from a gracious God that we should aspire to reciprocate and learn to lavish on ourselves and others.

Kindness makes use of our time, energy and gifts for the betterment of our own lives and the lives of others. It is built upon thoughtfulness, generosity and consideration. But unlike merely being nice, one cannot truly be kind without a conviction to care that comes from within. Kindness challenges us to do what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Outside of the known therapeutic benefits of journaling, the practice also has a strong positive correlation to success when it comes to accomplishing our goals. Keeping a journal of ideas and intentions is the first step toward executing them. Writing the vision holds us accountable, it documents our progress, and it lays out a plan for the way forward.